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Tips for Gamers #005 – Warn us of game-induced bad moods

Posted by VickiVovo on June 20, 2013 in Tips for Gamers
Pretty soon, everyone will be in a bad mood (Image Source: GoComics)

Pretty soon, everyone will be in a bad mood (Image Source: GoComics)

There are certain things that make my partner cranky, for example:

  • When our housemate’s puppy pees on our bed
  • When he’s stuck in the slowest lane in peak hour traffic, then changes lanes, only for that lane to become the slower one
  • When he gets a bad night’s rest because I’ve accidentally been kicking him in my sleep (oops)
  • Any time he is hungry

Another well documented frustration-inducing event is when he suffers a consecutive string of losses in his games.

It’s often easy for me to tell when this happens as he’s visibly disheartened. Perhaps a slither off a rage quit, he lets out noises similar to that if I were to repeatedly run over his toe with his computer chair. When he’s like this, it’s clear that I should give him his space and perhaps not ask him how his game went.

At other times, however, it’s a little trickier to tell. While he may be growing increasingly frustrated on the inside, he remains composed on the outside. I’m completely oblivious to the raging between his teammates coming from his headset, let alone the personal deconstruction of the losses happening in his own head.

Now gamers, if you have just come off a few bad losses, that’s okay. If the other team was just way better, if your teammates were feeding, if you hit the wrong button at the wrong time, that’s fine – take a moment to be angry. If you need some time to get back into your happy place, that’s completely understandable. Just please let your significant other know.

If you give your partner a heads up, then they can cut you a little slack if you’re not your usual self, even if it’s just momentarily while the pain of the loss fades. When I know my partner has had a few unlucky games, I might give him a few minutes to himself so he can cheer up with cat videos. Just as I try to flag the days where I’m feeling particularly “emotional” (i.e. days where I want to be curled up in bed crying, eating chocolate and watching Ryan Gosling movies), a quick “Hey sweety, just so you know, I’ve had a pretty frustrating run with games” from my partner can go a long way.

Most importantly, if you don’t warn us, if any of that frustration carries over to your interactions with us, we may come to the conclusion that we have done something to influence your bad mood. And that’s when it gets personal and unpleasant for all parties involved. And when that happens, I am only willing to accept responsibility for a small portion of my resultant grumpiness.

I admit there have been a few times in the past where I have been a caught off guard by my partner’s sudden change in demeanour (I guess you could say I saw de-meaner side of him #seewhatididthere), which I later found out was a result of a few League of Legends losses directly beforehand. I’m slowly training him to give me the heads up whenever this happens, so I won’t have to bring my cranky pants out to play. So please, let your partner know – they will appreciate it. Communication is the key.

Oh, just a final note. A string of losses is not an adequate justification to play another game just “so you can end on a win”. I’m not stupid. I know that there’s an equally likely chance that you’ll also lose the next one too, and the next one after that, and end up even crankier before. We’re not going to continue this silly cycle all night. Go to sleep.

 

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You should read: “The Perfect Non-Gamer Girl”

Posted by VickiVovo on May 18, 2013 in You Should Read

Naww. I’m a sucker for a nice gamer + non-gamer love story.

I recently read this sweet post by Robert Rath about his soon-to-be wife, Danielle, and the wonderful side she brings to their relationship as a non-gamer. I think this is a perfect example of how gamer/non-gamer relationships can work, and work really well.

Danielle isn’t interested in playing games, so I know our relationship will never carry over to a multiplayer server somewhere, just like she knows that I’ll likely never be a talented enough musician to for a jazz duo…

…We do, however, talk about games a lot. Like any good partners, we want to know what each other are up to. I’ll ask how her work and Yoga classes are going, and she shows an interest in what I’m playing. She reads my column with pleasure. Though she’s never played BioShock or Call of Duty, we’ll discuss the controversies surrounding them over pasta. She’s brilliant at it. Most of the time she crafts better arguments and makes better points than half the game journalists I know, because unburdened by the culture, history and prejudices of gaming, she asks different questions than they would and draws different conclusions.

Rath goes on to explain how his partner’s questions and opinions encourage him to consider his own views of his games, whilst also helping improve the way he explains video games to non-gamers. I love that in this relationship, video games is not just something that exists peacefully in their relationship, but it is something that enhances it.

For my partner and I, while I may not offer the same level of deep analyses that Rath’s fiancé presents, I have experienced the great benefits to a relationship when gamers are able to discuss their hobby with their non-gaming spouse. Gaming is a whole culture that I am only just learning about, and that my partner loves immensely and enjoys discussing. I don’t really think I’ll ever find any enjoyment in playing the games that my partner plays, but I do enjoy learning about them. As well as occasionally watching him play League of Legends, I often join him while he watches pro players’ streams or eSports tournaments. Many lazy Saturday mornings have been spent snuggled up in bed together with coffees watching the latest LoL Tournament, cheering on our favourite teams. I learn about the champions, the items, the positions. I test myself by memorising pro players and the positions they play (as well as random trivia about their personal lives, just for kicks). I will ask about the strategy behind the game and I’m always delighted when my questions to him are met by “You know what, that’s a good question…”, as I know I have graduated from my standard overexcited questions to those requiring some decent thought and understanding of the game.

The best part about our gaming discussions is that it benefits both of us. Not only do video games present a whole new topic for us to discuss when we’ve grown tired of talking about work, family or the other usual stuff, but it helps me better understand and appreciate his hobby, which in turn, is more comforting for him. Rath nicely describes:

After all, we don’t play games with our fingers, we play them with our minds. So even if I don’t play games with the woman I love, when we share the ideas games impart, and enrich each other’s understanding of the medium, in a way we’re sharing some of the best games have to offer.

Please do take a moment to check out the full article here at The Escapist . I think gamers and non-gamers alike can take something positive away from this.

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Game Face Tip #015 – Let him play, without the guilt trip

Posted by VickiVovo on April 27, 2013 in Game Face Tips
The best kind of trip. (Image Source: Etsy)

The best kind of trip. (Image Source: Etsy)

This post is specifically targeted at Three-Years-Ago Me. Three-Years-Ago Me had recently discovered the true extent of her partner’s gaming hobby and had decided that she would be totally cool and reasonable about it. Little did she know, she was not yet past the Bargaining Stage of the gamer/non-gamer relationship and she felt that her being totally cool and reasonable meant that he owed her big time later on. Payment was accepted in the form of watching chick flicks and giving hugs on demand.

Oh, silly Three-Years-Ago Me. It was only later on that I realised that there is a difference between me putting up with him gaming and me actually being supportive of his hobby. Where I thought I was being reasonable and accepting, I was really just continually biting my tongue, laying on the guilt trips, occasionally losing my patience when I felt I had tolerated enough, and all the while, never actually accepting his hobby at all.

I don’t want to discount the fact that even putting up with a partner’s hobby can be a big step for many people in relationships with gamers, particularly for non-gamers who are new to the quirks of the gaming lifestyle. But acceptance is more of a continuum – while “putting up with his gaming” is a fair way away from “console-destroying psycho girlfriend“, if you can make it to that next level of “blissful understanding and acceptance”, it’s a much more pleasant way to live.

Take a moment to think about it from the gamer’s perspective. It’s like when you were a kid and you tried to sneak cartoons in when you were supposed to be doing your homework. While cartoons are awesome and one of your favourite pastimes, you are constantly living in fear that your mum will come in, yell at you for watching and take away your TV privileges. Kinda takes the fun out of it, right? Imagine instead if your mum said “Oh Pumpkin, Power Rangers is starting soon, you don’t want to miss it”. What a joy it would be to be given that guilt-free TV time!

Now, I’m not saying that you have to be okay with it all the time. There are still plenty of days where I think my gamer should really be doing something else, and I tell him (nicely, of course). These kinds of relationships still work both ways and rely on both the gamers and the non gamers to be reasonable. But, on those other days where the world will definitely not come crashing down if he plays a game or two, just let him be, and throw in a simple “good luck, have fun!” for good measure. Or, if he’s just gotten home from work after a tough day, perhaps suggest that he chill and enjoy his video games for a bit. Let him play, with your blessing. He’ll appreciate it.

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Things to do while your partner is gaming #006 – Baking baking baking!

Posted by VickiVovo on April 3, 2013 in Things To Do
Super-cute cookie cutters by WarpZone (Image Source: Etsy)

Super-cute cookie cutters from the guys at WarpZone (Image Sources: Etsy)

Baking really takes the cake. Seriously, it’s one of my favourite things to do. Even if my partner didn’t play *cough… way too many* video games, I’d still be busying myself with baking. If you don’t already bake, give it a dough… I mean, give it a go.

If you want to give your baking a geeky touch, you could buy some awesome cookie cutters from WarpZone - They have cutters for everything: Mario, Dr Who, even Game of Thrones family crests. Just make sure you have these Pac Man oven mitts ready to take them out of the oven.

Me, I much prefer baking with what I refer to as a “lucky dip” technique. If I’m making cookies, I’ll throw together any kind of cookie-like ingredients in there, sculpt the dough into rough balls and BAKE, MY PRETTIES!! I would compare my cookies to cloud watching – it’s like “”oooh, that cookie kind of looks like an elephant.. and, if you squint a little, this one looks like my grandma”. But as long as you’ve got a lot of butter and a lot of chocolate in there, it’s bound to taste good.

Should you need any inspiration, this is my favourite, favourite baking blog of all time: raspberri cupcakes. One day, I’ll make macarons as beautiful as these.

But seriously, if you’re prone to getting frustrated at your partner’s gaming, baking will make you forget all that. Here’s why:

  • Time flies when you’re baking – by the time you’ve completed a batch of yummy cupcakes, he’ll have gotten a lot of the gaming out of his system.
  • You will make such a mess of the kitchen that it’ll outweigh the mess your gamer has previously made and neglected to clean up (haaaaa…).
  • As you finish baking, the smell of your yummy dessert will be increasingly difficult for your gamer to ignore – he will be drawn to leave his console to reap the delicious rewards.
  • Offering your partner some of your cookies/cakes/macarons/cupcakes/etc. at the end of it all will get you serious brownie points (pun a little bit intended).

Happy baking!

This is you. (Image Source: Pusheen the Cat)

FYI, this will be you. (Image Source: Pusheen the Cat)

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Benefits of Gaming #014 – They make old people happy

Posted by VickiVovo on March 18, 2013 in Benefits of Gaming
The next big game from Maxis: SimKnitty (Image Source: TheFunnyInbox)

The next big game from Maxis: SimKnitty (Image Source: TheFunnyInbox)

I’m always a sucker for old people studies.

Some clever folks at North Carolina State Uni suggest that older adults who play video games report greater emotional functioning than those who don’t play. The team studied a bunch of 63-year-old-and-beyond people, looked at how often they played video games, and compared that to various aspects of their psychological functioning. The Regular and Occasional Gamers reported higher levels of well being and lower negative affect and depression than their non-gaming counterparts. Now, I’m understand that the definition of ‘video game’ is probably not limited to MMORPGs or first-person shooters and would probably include tamer games, but you get the point.

There have been plenty of other studies that look at the ways video games can benefit the elderly, and on top of that, they have been used to enhance video game design specifically aimed at the older population. Research suggests that certain video games may help improve the balance of the elderly, assist in their rehabilitation and, as Olivia Newton-John informs me, keep their brains active.

This gorgeous lady below is Kit, a 100-year-old Nintendo DS lover. Now, I really hope this isn’t just a clever ad by Nintendo, but either way, Kit’s just adorable:

My grandfather has always loved his games. He really loves this little handheld Tetris-like game, which he’s had for longer than I can remember. Recently, my cousin introduced my grandparents to games on the iPad, and now they know their way around it better than I do! I get warm fuzzies watching them play with such enjoyment and then looking quite chuffed when they advance levels.

So keep gaming into your golden years, gamers. I like to think that when my partner and I are old and wrinkly, his gamer’s brain will still be active enough to do the thinking for the both of us. My brain is pretty screwer unless some researcher proves that watching trashy TV shows also keeps brains active..? One can only hope.

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Tips for Gamers #004 – Don’t try to hide your hobby

Posted by VickiVovo on March 3, 2013 in Tips for Gamers
Gamers, stand proud. (Image Source: myboyfriendisagamer)

Gamers, stand proud. (Image Source: myboyfriendisagamer)

I was recently chatting with a friend who was contemplating moving in with his girlfriend of around a year. He was generally feeling pretty positive about the situation, except for one thing:

I’m going to have to tell her about my gaming.

Oh dear. Why is this even a thing? How had their relationship gotten so far without her knowing about his greatest hobby? And how had it gotten to the point where he was worrying about his two favourite pastimes crossing paths?

I must admit, even in the early stages of my current relationship, gaming was a bit of an unspoken topic. I had already known him for quite a while, but I only really found out about my partner’s habit after a mutual friend asked me if I knew about his computer games. What?! What did that even mean? Why was it that important that it needed be specifically discussed? Why didn’t he already tell me?  This must be bad. Suddenly, something very normal, became somewhat of a worry.

It seems like even on a broader level, people are ashamed to admit they like video games. For example, most of my friends are ready to profess their love for football, rock climbing, or watching and rewatching every single Nicholas Cage movie to date, but video games, that’s another story. That’s one of the topics that I find that very few are willing to bring up voluntarily. If someone is brave enough to bring it up first, then sure, they can chat about video games all day, but it seems to take a brave person to admit that they are a gamer. From what I can tell, the age old stigma of the typical geeky, antisocial gamer is still that strong that gamers are even too ashamed to share their hobby with their friends, let alone their significant other.

The more you worry, though, the bigger the problem it will become. If you hide your hobby from your girlfriend/boyfriend right from the start, it will just get harder and harder to bring it up. And the longer you drag it on, the more it will become That Thing That They Don’t Know About.

As someone from the non-gamer side, all I can do is to encourage you to share your hobby with the ones you love, and share it early. If you continue to keep your partner and your gaming as mutually exclusive events, then this creates a Me vs The Games situation for them, and they have no choice but to feel threatened.

And do not speak disparagingly of your hobby or shrug it off as “some stupid thing you just do when you’re bored”. If you want people to respect your love of gaming, you need to show some respect for it too. Footy fans are rarely ashamed of their obsession – they’ll defend their team and their sport no end. Why should gaming be any different? The gamer stigma will never disappear if gamers themselves are ashamed of their hobby.

Also, as I’ve explained before (see Tips for Gamers #001), if your partner is not a gamer, they may not have that same immediate appreciation for games, so be patient when you’re sharing your hobby. It may be that the only thing they know about video games is the nasty stereotypes that go along with it, so you’ll have to be patient and break through that barrier first. It will be so worth it. And worst case, even if after all that your partner still does not appreciate your hobby for what it is, at least you know early on and can take suitable action, whatever that may be.

Someone who shares my opinion is the team at Have You Nerd in their recent article about relationships and video games. They discuss the problem of gamers who give up their lifelong hobby for a partner who doesn’t agree with gaming.

Perhaps as gamers we are used to people judging us for our interests, or that many of us are wary of conflict and will go out of our ways to avoid it in all forms. Whatever the case may be, if you or someone you know is in such a relationship I ask you to reach out to them. Don’t tell them to break up, but encourage them to make their own decisions and not feel pressured by their partners (mis?) conceptions of what their hobbies are…

…If you really love gaming and find yourself just giving it up so you can be with someone, shouldn’t you be asking what next you might be asked to sacrifice?

Or, if they loved you for who you are, would they even ask that of you?

Don’t try to hide your hobby from your partner, share it with them. Try to tell them what makes gaming so great, or better yet, show them. It’s likely that once they get a chance to learn what these games mean to you, they will understand the part that games play in your life and appreciate that.

Gamers out there, are you ashamed to tell your loved ones about your hobby? Non-gamers dating gamers, how did you find out and how did you react? I’d love to hear your stories.

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My Gamer, My Valentine

Posted by VickiVovo on February 15, 2013 in Rambling
Happy Valentines Day guys! (Image Source: thatvideogameblog)

Happy Valentine’s Day, all! (Image Source: thatvideogameblog)

It’s that’s delightfully sickening day of the year again, where our Facebook feeds are taken over by braggy photos of flowers and cranky anti-Valentine’s rants.

Well, Valentine’s Day has just finished here in Australia and The Boy has gone off to bed after spoiling me with gifts, then spending a patient evening with me watching a chick flick. I felt this was the perfect opportunity to shed whatever soppy sentiments were left in me, in the form of a poem to My Valentine:

By dear sweet gamer, this ode to you,
Is my little way of saying thank you,

You make me smile after the crappiest days,
Like you do with your team mates who rage at each play,

You came and you found me at just the right time,
You’re like a long tetris block at the end of the line,

I’m always so lost when you’re not around,
Like I’m using a mini-map with unrevealed ground,

You help me with problems I can’t even see,
Like a vision ward placed strategically,

When I’m with you, I feel energised,
Like a mushroom for Mario’s tinier size,

You have turned me into a better me,
I’m like a geared up Paladin at Level 90,

I’m eager to see you at the end of each day,
You’re like a new game release that’s just hours away,

Whenever I’m with you, the rush that I feel,
It’s like I’ve ult-ed my way to a pentakill,

I’ll gladly follow wherever you go,
Like Pac-Man is tailed by Blinky and Co

But our love should need no analogy,
You’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.

 

Happy Valentines Day, my sweet. Thanks for spoiling me today (and always) xxxx

Hope all you lovers out there have a great day. But don’t forget to be sweet to one another on all those other days of the year too!

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“Real” gamer relationships

Posted by VickiVovo on February 11, 2013 in Rambling
A collection of my favourite happy gaming couples (Image Source: Shutterstock) From top to bottom, left to right: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6| 7

A collection of my favourite happy gaming couples (Image Sources: Shutterstock)
From top to bottom, left to right: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

As Valentines Day is approaching, I felt it was an appropriate time to share some of my favourite corny “happy gamer relationship” stock photos.

My apologies for the watermarks – as you can see, I don’t quite see the worth in purchasing these images. However, if you do, please go right ahead. I have even taken the liberty of providing links to each of the images above.

Photos just like these ones plague all the positive “Gaming and Relationship” articles and blog posts out there. I’m not a fan. They’re just as bad as the typical “Man ignoring girlfriend while playing video games” stock photos that are used in all the anti-gaming posts. I’m not sure what I find more cringe-worthy: the poorly faked expressions of enjoyment or the over-the-top captions that go along with them, for instance, Image #3 apparently depicts:

Young couple emotionally with passion play video games at home on the floor.

And I mean, what is the guy in Image #6 giving the thumbs up to? The video game, for letting his girlfriend win? Sigh…

Gamers and Partners of Gamers out there, I’m not sure if your relationship looks as sickeningly happy as this, but if it does… congratulations..? I hope you find everything else in life just as utterly thrilling as playing video games with your significant other.

p.s. REMINDER: Valentines Day is this Thursday. Don’t forget to plan something for your loved one! Go. Go do it now. If you get in trouble for playing video games instead of spending time with your partner, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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Benefits of Gaming #013 – They can handle menial tasks

Posted by VickiVovo on February 5, 2013 in Benefits of Gaming
Gamers are used to treadmilling (Image Source: techeblog.com)

Treadmilling. So much effort, but they don’t seem to be getting anywhere 
(Image Source: techeblog.com)

Video games can be very repetitive. Even some of the best games are made up of the same few elements, perhaps just presented in different combinations. It could be endless amounts of running, shooting, jumping, collecting coins, speaking to friendly forest people you encounter on your journey, etc. Just over and over again. There can be hours, days, even weeks of slowly working your way through a map, killing hordes of baddies to reach your destination, and farming, farming and more farming, often with little reward.

The process of having to carry out these repetitive tasks is often referred to as “grinding” in the gaming world – I like to think it’s named as a reference to the grinding of the Partner-of-Gamers’ teeth as they watch this repetitive gameplay. Gamers must carry out this grinding in order to reach their goals, to unlock new levels and to master their skills. I’m a little scared to ask my partner how many hours he would have spent in his teen years doing these repetitive tasks in order to “level up” his WoW characters. But gamers, they deal with it. It’s the nature of the hobby, part of the daily grind.

So, I pose the question – there’s no reason why your gamer can’t look at everyday tasks in a similar way, right? For example, washing the dishes is made up of a few simple moves: Scrub, Rinse, Dry. For that tricker “Boss” cookware, a.k.a. a stubborn casserole dish, you might need to break out a super combo of R, S, S, R, S, R+S, S, R, D. And get through that massive plate of dirty dishes with your repetitive cleaning actions and you are victorious – you have a happy girlfriend!!

You laugh, but I’ve found that my partner can be very good at the repetitive, menial tasks, especially when he has some other means of amusement while he’s doing it. For instance, give him a massive hamper of clean clothes that need to be folded/ironed and a pre-recorded soccer game and it’s as good as done. See? All that gaming has come in handy after all.

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Game Face Tip #014 – Save yourself the frustration by pre-empting his behaviour

Posted by VickiVovo on January 23, 2013 in Game Face Tips
Maybe you could cut him a little slack...

Maybe you could cut him a little slack…

I’ve been dating my gamer for a while now, over four years, and in that time I think I’ve picked up a thing or two about his behaviour. There isn’t a lot he does that I couldn’t already see coming, especially when it comes to his computer games. He is most certainly a creature of habit when it comes to gaming.

I must admit, since I have a pretty decent understanding of his gaming habits, I also have a pretty decent understanding of how I could, say, set him up if I wanted an excuse to yell at him. For instance, if I wanted to prove the point that he never listens to a thing I say, all I need to do is whisper something to him just as he’s about to start a game, gain confirmation by asking him “Right?” while nodding and smiling sweetly, to which he will generally nod back and continue on with his game (My love, I promise I don’t actually do this. Often.).

And to be honest with you, I think a lot of Partners of Gamers out there are also aware that they have this skill at hand, and that video games are a pretty easy scapegoat if they ever want to have a bit of a nag. If you do that, stop it. Now.

Anywho, the point is, I know what to expect from him, and I know how he’ll react when he’s engrossed in games, so the trick is to use that power for good. I use this knowledge to make slight adaptations to my behaviour, and in doing so, avoid unnecessary disappointment and frustration.

Let me walk you through a couple of common scenarios:

You’re about to start cooking dinner and he’s just started a game. Do you:

a) Start cooking immediately, plate up immediately and get cranky, immediately, because the food has gone cold by the time he has finished his game.

b) Start cooking immediately, plate up and spoon feed him dinner while he is finishing his game.

c) Realise that a game of LoL usually takes about 40mins while your cooking will only takes 20mins, so you entertain yourself for 20mins before starting the cooking and manage to finish cooking just as he finishes his game. Amazing.

Me? I’d pick C. Nowadays, it’s become a bit of a natural reaction to check his game clock. I get home from work to find him playing, give him a kiss on the cheek while simultaneously glancing at the clock, do the quick math of how much longer the game has, and busy myself for that time before going back and saying hi.

How did you do with that one? Okay, I hope. Here’s another to test you:

Your friend has just invited you and your partner to a BBQ this weekend. The optimal time to tell you partner about it is:

a) Mid-battle. But don’t be daft, he can’t hear you while he’s playing. Write it on a piece of paper and wave it in front of his screen.

b) Immediately after a soul-crushing loss, whilst he is still blinded by the giant red “DEFEAT” banner and his teammates are hurling abuse at him through his headset. Purely by comparison, he’ll love your proposition!

c) Once he’s finished playing, with adequate cool down period if necessary.

If you were to ask me, I’d go C. Shock horror, but I find him way more receptive to my questions when I’m not interrupting his games. And if I do have more urgent questions, I may prefer to ask during the load screen at the start of a game, or *grins* just wait patiently for his champion to die, it’ll happen soon enough… teehee.

So yeah, it’s just little things that make life a lot easier for the both of you. While you should totally still stick up for yourself if he’s being truly unreasonable, what’s starting dinner just a little bit later, or waiting a few moments more before you ask him a question? If you ever have to yell back at him “I knew you were going to say/do that!”, perhaps there was a way you could’ve pre-empted that situation in the first place and saved yourself just a little frustration.

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